My Theory About Coaching Men

So when I first started the idea of becoming a Rules Dating and Relationship Coach, my primary focus and passion was to help empower women and to be their champion and advocate when it comes to the dating scene. Why? Because I am a woman, I know exactly what it’s like to feel, want, hope, dream, laugh, cry, love, hate and hurt like a woman. I’ve been through everything she has ever been through or felt as woman and I have the greatest empathy with women.

When I told my men friends about what I do, they all said that I needed to offer my services to men as well and not just focus on women. So many of my guys friends would say, “You need to offer this to men, because they really need it, too! No seriously, lots of guys out there are clueless about women and what to do. They need advice just as much as women do.”  At first I objected, because I simply did not think that men needed coaching or at least I don’t see them as the type to be seeking advice, much less paying for it. Of course, I think everybody needs a little coaching, advice and help, but it doesn’t mean that person is going to be seeking it. Some guys might think they are sufficient enough to solve the problems on their own without asking for help and advice. I think it is that way with men in general. I do not see men asking for advice and even if someone offers it freely to them, they may not even take it.

For a long time, I did not think that men were my ideal clientele just because I did not think were was a market of men out there looking for dating coaches or advice. Yes, I do think there are a number of men out there seeking advice with relationships, but very few and a very small percentage compare to the number of women who are seeking advice. Women are much more open to talking about their personal issues and asking for advice than men. What I see is, if a guy just had a fight with his wife or girlfriend, I don’t imagine him picking up the phone to call his “dating coach” and hashing his problems out over the phone the way women do. If there is a problem, I imagine that he goes out to shoot pool or goes to the bar to have a beer. There, problem solved! Beer is the happy and convenient solution to every problem. “Just give me beer and shut up. Thank you.” Works every time!

I just don’t see men flipping through the directory looking for a dating coach and that’s why I do not intentionally seek them out as clients. However, I do see them wanting and needing help in relationships, because they like to talk to me about it all the time. They are very interested in the topic and sustain very lengthy conversations with me about it, picking my brain, trying to figure out women, what women are thinking and why the hell do women do what they do? And how the hell are they supposed to approach women when they are icy, closed, stand-offish, weird, flakey, paranoid, neurotic, moody and unpredictable?

I personally do not believe in “coaching” men, at least not in the conventional sense, because I believe in men and their ability to know what they want and go after what they want. Even if they don’t know what they want, they definitely do not waste any time, money, effort or energy on anything that they do not want. I do believe in “coaching” women and my ability turn out desirable women. My strength and specialty is turning out desirable women who make wonderful partners that know how to take care of their men. I help women get a guy and keep him. My philosophy is that men don’t need coaching, they just need a good woman! If they found a good woman, why do they need coaching for? All he needs is the space and the opportunity to get introduced to a good woman.

What I like to do with men is not giving phone sessions like I do with women, but take a completely different approach. If I understand men at all, talking does not work. BORING! In fact, talking is pretty useless unless we’re out somewhere having fun. I want to take these men out there on the playing field, be their eyes and ears, cater to them while we are out, be charming, well-dressed, attractive, and vivacious company; make sure they’re having a great time, feeling good, being comfortable. At the same time, give them constant feedback on their behavior as well as the landscape, how others are behaving towards them, what the territory looks like and to help them find windows of opportunity to meeting attractive women.

I want to help men with the “art of the approach.” A man who stands with another attractive woman has a much higher success rate of being approached by other attractive women than a man standing alone or a man standing with a pack of guys. When other women see him flirting and having a great time, she’s more likely to be interested and wanting to be part of the fun. While I’m sure there are books out there you can read about, nothing is like hands-on practical learning by getting yourself out there and just doing it, but with the help of someone who is at your side, focused entirely on you helping you get comfortable and confident in the art of the approach with your own “Wing Woman”.

“Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher.”  ~Japanese proverb

Much Gratitude,

Kim, The Modern Geisha

“The Modern Geisha is always moving in a good mood… She is always calm, beautiful, happy, serene, grateful and unperturbed.”

Privacy & Confidentiality: All consultations are 100% private and confidential. No information about a client is shared or published without prior knowledge, review and consent. Testimonies and stories are voluntarily shared at the client’s own discretion to educate, enlighten and inspire others.

Note:  This message is intended for a general audience only. There are rules and exceptions to the rules. I give advice on a case-by-case basis only and not cookie-cutter advice. If you have questions regarding this matter, please email for a private consultation.

4 thoughts on “My Theory About Coaching Men

  1. Hi Kim,

    Sounds like you are sticking to coaching women. Maybe you could find someone in town who wants to coach men and then refer clients to each other. A few years ago I gave “Dating for Dummies” to a male friend, and I can tell by his recent mishaps that he has not read it.

    Keep up the blogging!

  2. Good article Kim. I think men are secretly embarassed to ask for advice, especially from a women about dating issues in particular, because they want to feel they have enough brains to figure things out. I remember when I was pregnant with my first daughter and my husband at the time, now ex, was trying to assemble a brand new crib. I knew he was doing it wrong, but I had to resist the urge to hand him the manuel. It took him hours and I heard alot of cursing, but he felt proud of him self.

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