The Art of Doing the Rules #1: The Spirit and the Letter

The spirit and the letter of The Rules. I am not a “by-the-book” Rules coach, even though I know The Rules forwards, backwards and inside out.  My specialty is helping women with how to talk to men and doing The Rules with grace, polish and style.  The Rules were not meant for playing games and manipulation.  They were not meant to get off on some power trip nor to attract unwanted suitors.  I have no sympathy for a woman who abuses or misuses The Rules, or abuses men for that matter.  The Rules were intended to help a woman protect herself by weeding out Mr. Wrong so that she could find Mr. Right in the shortest possible time.  The Rules also protects your relationship with Mr. Right by preventing you from pushing him away by being too demanding, controlling, needy or clingy.  Sometimes women get so wrapped up in doing The Rules to the letter that they forget to use plain common sense.  Rather than “being a creature unlike any other” (Rule #1), they end up acting strange, awkward, and leaving the men in stupor wondering, “What is up with her? That is just weird! Crazy!”

If you have the book, why do you need a coach?  When people ask me, “Who is your ideal client?”  I simply say, “Why, someone who has read The Rules book.  Many of my best clients call me because they have already read The Rules at least once and are looking for a Rules coach.” Then they would say, “That’s interesting. If they already read the book, then why do they need you?” That’s a great question and I’m so glad people ask  that, because they seem to think that the book has all the answers and therefore, it’s enough to take care of your concerns.  On the contrary, I think the book actually opens up more questions to be answered and explored, because textbook knowledge is not enough.  You also need to know how to practice it effectively.

Walk the talk.  It’s much easier to talk about it than to actually do it. You all know what I’m talking about, girls!  We like to talk about what we are going to do and how we are going to get it right this time. We talk about doing the Rules like a New Year’s resolution to eat right, exercise, drink more water and lose weight this year.  But do we walk the talk?  Let’s get real.  What are we pretending not to know?  That it’s hard.  It takes effort, discipline and practice, and it’s hard to believe that something so simple is really hard to do!  That’s why having the book isn’t enough.  Ellen and Sherrie have certified Rules coaches so that women from all over the world can get expert Rules coaching at an affordable rate.  This is where the nurturing help of an expert, caring coach provides tremendous value beyond a book.  Having your own personal Rules coach to guide you provides you a special kind of support beyond a mother, sister, friend, counselor or therapist.

Deep and profound connection.  Now that we have the book, we proudly brandish it as the keys to all we need to know for marrying Mr. Right!  But like I said, it’s easier said than done.  We still struggle with how to do The Rules in our lives and have questions that need to be answered. We still crave the human connection from a Rules guru and coach.  While  the book gives you basic fundamentals, it cannot give you direct feedback like a coach does.  I give my clients the perspectives, clarity and strength to take the appropriate action that will turn out their future.  Due to the sensitive and private nature of my coaching, voice and tone are very important in establishing a connection.  I only give Rules advice over the phone and never by email or text because it is more powerful and effective this way.  Emotions and feelings of care and concern can never be conveyed adequately by email or text.  To do so would compromise the depth, quality and integrity of my coaching, which is why I record my sessions and email the audio file so that my clients can listen to it again on their iPod or MP3 player.  The book is a great primer, but has its limits and cannot replace the deep and profound connection with a coach and mentor.

Reading the Rules book does not make a Rules girl.  Actions and habits make a Rules girl.  Here lies the difference between the real deal and a wannabe, a student and a master, a rookie and an expert.  We are all wannabe’s in the beginning when we first start out learning.  It is like having a new toy and we are eager and excited to try it out.  We have stars in our eyes, dreams of romantic dates, late night phone calls, cute and sexy texts and talks about the future possibility of  marriage.  Whether you are single or married, my goal is to help you have happy, healthy and successful relationships that end up in marriage.

“Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher.”  ~Japanese proverb

Much Gratitude,

Kim, The Modern Geisha

“The Modern Geisha is always moving in a good mood… She is always calm, beautiful, happy, serene, grateful and unperturbed.”

Privacy & Confidentiality: All consultations are 100% private and confidential. No information about a client is shared or published without prior knowledge, review and consent. Testimonies and stories are voluntarily shared at the client’s own discretion to educate, enlighten and inspire others.

Note:  This message is intended for a general audience only. There are rules and exceptions to the rules. I give advice on a case-by-case basis only and not cookie-cutter advice. If you have questions regarding this matter, please email for a private consultation.

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