Buyer Beware!

Beware of Bullies in Free Advice Forums

Dear Kim,
I have a concern. I am in this Yahoo! Rules group online, and let me tell you they are harsh! Harsh in the sense that it actually makes me feel bad about myself. I am new and I understand the importance to doing The Rules to the “T,” but don’t you agree that as a Rules girl, it is important to address things like a lady with kindness and compassion, rather than “Obviously you are not reading the rules or taking our advice why don’t you get off this site…?” And then there is more.

It is turning me off to The Rules. I have to ask myself how long have they been doing The Rules and how long have they been single? As a Rules girl, I must say that the girls in the group are acting like—excuse my language—bitches. I wouldn’t want to date them either. If they act on dates the way they respond to these posts, I don’t want to be in The Rules.

I want to succeed at this, but I don’t want to be a bitch if he doesn’t do everything perfectly. Are there girls out there who are misinterpreting The Rules? Am I alone in noticing this? Do I need to be careful about who I ask for advice from? Everything is black and white? And it almost seems unobtainable?

Dear Danielle,

Thanks for your message and sharing your concerns. I am glad to know you are part of other “Rules Girls” groups so you can see a difference between the quality of advice and care from a group run by layman Rules girls versus a Rules coach. People should know the difference. Buyer beware!

You should do your homework on Rules groups—find out who’s running it, and whether it’s run by a layman or a coach. Research what information is available on their credibility, relationship status and reputation.

Yes, there are many girls out there who misinterpret, misunderstand or abuse The Rules and it backfires! That’s why they need me and that’s why I have a job as a dating coach, expert, advocate and champion of The Rules!

I often get calls from girls wondering, “Why am I doing The Rules, but I’m still single?” They call me to help them interpret The Rules and guide them according to their own situation. Everyone is different and every consult I give is different. What’s right for one girl at a certain time may not be right for another. You must use discernment and good judgment.

I do not give cookie-cutter answers. That is a rookie mistake. Some people follow The Rules blindly without considering special circumstances and they fail. Sometimes there are exceptions to The Rules, and it takes an experienced expert to know the difference.

Did you know that anyone can start a group on Facebook, Yahoo and Google? It’s free and easy. You don’t have to be a married, certified coach or anything. All you need is an email account. Yup! That’s right.

I do not belong to or get involved in any Rules group other than my own, which is the only Rules group run, that I know of, by a married and certified Rules coach. I only have time to take care of my own clients and followers whom I serve. That’s the difference between a client-coach relationship and random strangers on the internet! I am here to serve; they are here to get free advice.

I am very close to some of my clients and created a secret group for them to have a relationship with me outside of private coaching. It’s also a support community of like-minded Rules girls who have been trained by me.

As the creator and administrator of my group, I have some degree of control over the comments. While everything is subject to being moderated at my discretion, I never once had to delete, mediate or resolve any kind of dispute, nor have I asked anyone to leave.  I have no rules, yet nobody gives me any grief. They don’t give each other grief either. They respect me, my expertise, my soft leadership and they respect each other. All I say to my girls is, “Post at your discretion.”

If I were single and wanted advice on dating and marriage, I would not get free advice from a single person. Sorry! Nothing wrong with that, but you see, everyone is biased no matter what they try to say. Bias comes from personal experience. A single person who has never been married does not have the experience of making a happy marriage.

Free advice is worth what you paid for it, “$0.”

I also would say that toxic, negative, pedantic Rules groups that do not have the strong leadership and gentle guidance of a qualified Rules coach have no value to me.

If you want to learn how to become a millionaire, would you ask a homeless person?

Good intentions do not equal good advice. Wanting to give good advice does not equal good advice.

The reason some of these girls are bitches is because some of them really are trying to be bitches! They subscribed to the “Bitch Theory” after reading these two books called, Why Men Love Bitches and Why Men Marry Bitches.

I’ve never read them and don’t have an opinion on them, but I’m happily married with a husband who loves me and treats me with a great deal of respect. I’m a certified Rules coach, I stick to The Rules and now I’m creating my own coaching philosophy called, “Secrets of the Modern Geisha.”

It looks to me like all these girls are still single… And they’re all helping each other stay single.

It’s like a sinking ship out at sea. Everyone out there is grabbing each other and clinging to each other for dear life, screaming, “DEAR GIRLS, PLEASE HELP ME!!!”

And guess what? Nobody knows how to swim.

You just got a taste of what it’s like being in a layman Rules group, unlike one that is led by a Rules coach. Over there, you get a bunch of questions. Over here, you get answers. Experience is authority.

The reason I charge for my advice is because it’s valuable. I don’t do this for the money; I just want to help women, but I want them to respect my time. One thing I learned about giving out good advice is that people actually listen when they have invested themselves in it.

My advice works. I have raving clients who write testimonials and quiet thank you’s in private emails, my fan page, secret support group and guest book at

I deliver powerful and effective coaching. I am known for results.

Any advice worth getting is worth paying for. If I gave you advice that’s not worth paying for, why would you even take it?

“Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher.”  ~Japanese proverb

Much Gratitude,

Kim, The Modern Geisha

“The Modern Geisha is always moving in a good mood… She is always calm, beautiful, happy, serene, grateful and unperturbed.”

Privacy & Confidentiality: All consultations are 100% private and confidential. No information about a client is shared or published without prior knowledge, review and consent. Testimonies and stories are voluntarily shared at the client’s own discretion to educate, enlighten and inspire others.

Note:  This message is intended for a general audience only. There are rules and exceptions to the rules. I give advice on a case-by-case basis only and not cookie-cutter advice. If you have questions regarding this matter, please email for a private consultation.

5 thoughts on “Buyer Beware!

  1. Kim is right. Trust the experts. If a person has dedicated himself/herself to a topic over a period of years, and if that person has a solid track record of giving accurate advice, then that is the person you want for your counsel. Trust the experienced professional, and pay for the insights. You will be glad you did.

    1. Hi Mark,
      Thanks so much for your input! Spoken like a true panel expert. In this day and age, there is so much free information out there in the mass media that it’s sometimes it’s confusing, daunting and we don’t know who to trust or believe. The mass media’s purpose is to entertain and advertise, not necessarily educate. But unknowing and unthinking masses may feel as if they are being educated just because they’re being distracted by amusing or entertaining ideas that are insincere and ineffective.

  2. This post is really accurate and well-written, Kim. I’ve been on several different types of forums, some of which are for TR and others are for not. The “free” advice you get will vary greatly, and often times it will leave you more confused than when you first posted a question! I know a couple times I went against what they had suggested & things turned out OK because I was following my intuition for the particular situation.

    Other times, some groups can be nice communities of warm-hearted folks who have “been there, done that” and want to share their experiences with others. I found an on-line post-divorce group very helpful in the first few weeks/months after my divorce. But I was mostly looking for “support” rather than advice, so I guess it may depend on what you are “looking” for.

    On an unrelated note, I suggest you do give the WMLB and WMMB books a look at some point, Kim. They are not referring to “bitches” in the usual way that we think of; the purpose of the books is to help women stop becoming doormats for unworthy men. The acronym stands for “Babe In Total Control of Herself” and the books are aimed at helping women shift their focus AWAY from the guy that they are dating and back to themselves. There’s nothing in there about becoming mean in the way that Danielle is describing, it’s about developing a sense of self-confidence that makes you more attractive to men. I followed some of the advice in the books and had my last two boyfriends completely wrapped around my finger; one was ready to propose and my current guy did! Sorry to disagree on this, but just wanted to point out a different POV. For some women who have been in bad relationships, these books (along with TR) may be a great “baby step” in the right direction of finding love if they are not at a point yet where they can be contacting & hiring a Rules Coach.

    Best of luck Kim, and Xin Nian Kuai Le 🙂

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