Since 2010, my claim to fame has been helping clients “get engaged in a year or less.”
But that’s just part of the story.
I help you marry a “Man who loves you more than you love him,” a man who is maddeningly addicted to you, wants to see you every day, and never tires of you.
Finding a good husband is like finding a diamond among stones. It’s extremely difficult but not totally impossible.
The Rules co-author, Sherrie Schneider says, “Congrats on 19 years!!! That is so beautiful what Raman wrote!”
Dating isn’t for the lazy or weak. It requires the willingness to invest in your own personal development, high moral character, ethics, mental toughness, humility, and emotional maturity. A happy, successful, long-term marriage is for those who are strong enough to endure the corrosion of time.
Some of you may have just found The Rules recently and stumble across my blog. We’ve been together for almost two decades now.
If you want to know the story of how we met and what a classic Rules story is supposed to look like from the beginning, listen to one of my early Rules Seminars called, “The Rabbit Hole,” (Lecture + Q&A). This bundle contains a list of 21 questions from the original members of my secret underground learning labyrinth called, “Secrets of the Modern Geisha.” It was taught during the same year “Not Your Mother’s Rules” book was published by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider (2013).
My husband is a diamond among stones because I see a lot of husbands neglectful of their wives. They look forward to fishing, hunting, camping or hanging out with their poker buddies more than they look forward to date night. In some marriages, if their wife cancels date night, the husband will rejoice and tell their friends, “Yay! Free hall pass!”
I am supremely blessed and grateful to be married to a man who has always put me first. According to Raman–as he learned from his father–even kids come after your husband because, in the end, all your kids will leave you, marry someone else, and start their own family. In your old age, all you have is each other. That’s why we never had kids. We didn’t want to share our time.
Raman provides for me, protects me, makes my life comfortable and easy. He cherishes me above all others and expects very little in return except my TIME.
Furthermore, he will take a bullet for me.
Such a husband is deserving of my time, attention, energy and love. Anyone else will come after and I do not apologize for that. These are the bundle of privileges that come with marriage. It is the most sacred and highest form of communion two people can ever have.
Even my own father tells me to put my husband first. He never takes offense to our absences. He never imposes himself and he never interferes in our affairs regardless of how he feels. My father understands the seriousness of marital obligations and strongly believes in honoring them.
Many women nowadays will go through their entire adult life without ever knowing what their obligations are. Obligations are the same thing as rules. There’s a generation of women don’t follow “The Rules” or any kind or relationship code of conduct either because 1) No one ever taught them or 2) Maybe they were taught but don’t believe in following them for whatever reason: toxic beliefs from pop culture, peer pressure or narcissistic personality problems.
In school, they teach you how to be a good employee but not a good wife. They teach you how to read, write and do math but not how to manage relationships or build a powerful marriage.
As a result, many women are going through a crisis: being middle-aged yet unable to create a happy, loving, committed relationship that will end in marriage. We have a generation of “empowered women” who have plenty of paper on the wall but no marriage certificate… Lots of accomplishments or money in their bank but no one to come home to at night. It’s lonely.
What’s missing in their narratives is understanding fundamental law, rules, and principles regarding relationships that have existed since the beginning of time.
All relationships have rules and obligations, whether it be a parent/child, teacher/student, a boss/employee, or coach/client. Understanding your relationship obligations is critical to your success and getting what you want in life. Most importantly, to be happy.
No one is ever successful all on their own. Your success in life largely depends on the relationships you build and nurture. Build your bridges before you need them.
Geishas were highly accomplished, well-respected, and powerful women because they knew the art of building long-term, strategic relationships with powerful people. So much of their prestige and reputation depends on the people they know–key members of the Japanese ruling elite.
If it wasn’t for my family, successful friends, powerful mentors, my loving husband, the support of Ellen and Sherrie, and my devoted clients, I wouldn’t be here teaching you.
When people don’t know their obligations to the key people in their life, they suffer inside. Their life is a constant, desperate struggle in a tough and cruel world. And they’re alone because they unintentionally alienate themselves rather than winning friends and influencing people.
In my previous blog, “Our Time” was a gentle reminder for married women to understand their marital obligations. Let it also serve as a pre-lesson for single women with matrimonial ambition.
It is for wives to not be inconsiderate and take their husbands for granted when they worked so hard to get you. Remember, out of all the women in the world, he chose to commit to YOU. He made a vow to love you, honor you and cherish you… In sickness and in health, rich or poor and “until death do us part.”
Life is different after marriage. When you are single, you are free to do whatever you want, whenever you want, and have no obligations to anyone but yourself.
A married woman’s life is full of obligations. She must organize herself around her husband, her children, her in-laws, and her husband’s friends, etc… This is part of growing up and living in the adult world: following rules, fulfilling your family duties, commitments, and obligations as a wife, mother, and queen of your castle. And to do so with supreme feminine poise.
Your husband and your children are your jewels. Guard them with your life. Practice healthy boundaries. Do not forsake them for anything else.
For single women, if a married woman is spending more time with her husband, please understand and respect that obligation. Please do not feel hurt or make her feel guilty if her husband is calling her away or can’t do long lunches like she did before she got married.
I often hear single women complaining about other women in Facebook Rules Groups saying, “Oh my God. As soon as a woman gets a boyfriend/husband, she totally disappears and ditches the group. You never hear from her again!”
I say, “That’s right. It’s never your happily married friends hanging out in Rules Groups.”
The Strict But Successful Coach
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