Dating is psychological warfare. Not therapy.
The secret to “The Rules” is to seem like you have no strategy whatsoever.
You must seem innocent, aloof, natural, and uncontrived as if it happened magically.
Men will know on the first date if you are trying to get them. They will recoil and put up walls against you. From that moment on, they will become immune to any kind of flirting or “moves.” The first few dates is the critical window.
One of the reasons many women have been doing The Rules for years yet cannot get a husband (ế) is they show their hand. Their intentions are obvious, which makes them seem desperate and manipulative.
This is due to lack of education, parenting, personal development and self-awareness. Other than ignorance, it’s intellectual arrogance and unbacked vanity.
It’s often people who say, “Just be yourself.” This is the worst advice ever. It keeps them single and unevolved creatures that get ruthlessly weeded out by natural selection.
The most common mistake women make is telling a man how to date you. Do not teach him “The Rules.” You are his date, not his mother or teacher. It’s extremely rude, offensive and most of all, it doesn’t work.
Kim’s “Strict Yet Feminine” Advice:
1. Texting him to confirm a date: “Are we still on for this Sat?”
It shows your need for control. It also says you are deeply insecure. When a man is keen on meeting you, he is looking forward to it and might remind you just to make sure YOU don’t forget! Be relaxed and trust that he will show up. Your silence shows calm confidence and supreme femininity.
If he doesn’t, then he’s showing you who he really is. He is not a man you can rely on. You need someone who is mature, stable, responsible and trustworthy. Be glad he didn’t show up and waste your time. Write him off. Use the Modern Geisha Mantra to gracefully deal with rejection:
A Modern Geisha is always moving in a good mood. She is always calm, beautiful, happy, serene, grateful and unperturbed.-Kim Evazians
Don’t be bitter. Be efficient. Move on. Never give anyone the power to ruin your day.
2. Refusing a “coffee date” just because you don’t drink coffee.
I wouldn’t even mention that. It’s negative and unnecessary. The point is not to drink coffee. It’s a venue to connect in real life to see if there’s chemistry. You don’t have to drink coffee. Order sparkling water, juice, or tea.
Don’t be so literal, heavy and exacting. It’s not feminine or gracious. Definitely not “Light & Breezy” as The Rules authors say.
He can find out later that you don’t drink coffee as he spends time with you. Be a complete mystery. Don’t reveal everything at once. Let him get to know you one layer at a time.
Actions are more elegant than words. The less words, the better. Avoid saying anything negative. Keep a positive vibe. This will intrigue him and make hopelessly addicted to you. It sets you apart from the uneducated bumpkin*.
3. Asking him to pick you if he doesn’t offer: “Um… Can you pick me up?”
A gentleman always plans, always picks you up, always pays. When a man is interested, he is gallant, chivalrous, and makes an effort to impress you. He cannot wait to be in the same room with you, smell your hair, bask in your beauty and breathe your essence. This is romantic courtship.
If he doesn’t offer to pick you up from the beginning, then it means he’s just not crazy about you or he’s not a gentleman or he’s lazy. Do you really want to spend time with someone like that? I have better things to do, like go wash my hair.
4. Telling him to come to your area as a counter-move if he doesn’t want to come to you:
When a man is serious about meeting you, one of the first things he will ask is information about your location, places you like to hang out, and where is a convenient meeting place. He will be accommodating and show effort.
He may also be interested in checking out your area and get a sense of your town if he is traveling from another city. Even if your town is small, he will go just because you are there.
Men are hunters. They love adventure. They like exploring new places. They thrive on challenge. It makes them manly. If they don’t, it makes me wonder how much of a man are they? Is he an alpha male or a delicate pansy*?
5. Last tip for being a lady: If a man opens the door or pulls out your chair for the first time…
Don’t gush and get all giddy like a high school teenager and say, “Oh my God. You are the first man who has ever done this! It’s about time I met a real gentleman!” Compose yourself. Remain poised and self-possessed. Act like you’ve always had men opening doors for you. Every day.
If he brings you flowers on the first date, don’t say with your mouth side open, “Oh my God, I have never gotten flowers!!! These are sooo beautiful!!! Thank you!!!” and act like you’re about to faint.
Behave as though you’ve been getting flowers since you were a teenager in high school. Channel your inner Prom Queen. Maintain your composure. Have a disciplined facial expression. Don’t lose it over flowers.
These are subtle distinctions that can make a girl go from a “Ten” to “Six” in 60 seconds on the first few dates. It is during this critical window a man will form his lifelong opinion of you and decide if you are marriage material. Therefore, it is critical to master the art of making a grand entrance.
They teach this in Charm School… Or at least they did once upon a time… For women to be well-married. So much depends on your ability to make a good first impression. It’s the only one you will ever get.
Dictionary definitions courtesy of www.Cambridge.org
*bumpkin: a person from the countryside who is considered awkward and stupid.
*pansy: old-fashioned, offensive word use to describe a man who behaves in the way that is more typical of a woman.
The Strict But Successful Coach
Work with Kim: Advice by appointment. All questions must be submitted via Wufoo Form.