If you’re single, struggling and sick of dating… Tired of Tinder fails… Stop and take a look at what’s working and what isn’t.
Many women don’t know the difference between false indicators of interest versus real courtship. They also don’t know how to effectively weedout time-wasters. Whether you are meeting men online or in real life, your job is to determine if he is a suitor.
A suitor is someone who is pursuing you. Those are the only type of men you should be concerned about. Not booty calls, married men, friends with benefits and the guy who’s in & out like a disappearing magic show.
Once you have determined he is a suitor, you must train him. Never accept less than first place. This means…
Only accept Saturday night dates if a guy asks you by Wednesday. Don’t accept last-minute dates. Or any other night of the week.
He must ask you by Wednesday for Saturday night dates. If he’s asking you on Thursday for Saturday, you already have plans. He can try again next week.
If he asks, “When are you free?” You say, “Evenings and weekends.”
Give him a window and leave it up to him. Don’t even suggest Saturday. That’s leading.
Remember, you’re the girl, not the guy, If you want him to do all the work, don’t help him.
He must step up to make clear, concrete plans (e.g. time, date, place). That’s the kind of man you want.
He must offer Saturday night freely and without your help. Otherwise, how else will you know his true intentions?
I can tell if he’s a serious suitor or a timewaster within the first 3 messages. His first offer tells me everything I need to know.
If he’s asking you for last-minute dates or for non-Saturday dates, it means you are not that important to him. He is treating you casually, which isn’t good for a long-term relationship.
It usually means someone canceled or he just doesn’t value your time. You’re being relegated to option 2, 3 or 4. Not the “# 1 Girl.” Either way, it’s not a good offer. It means you are not in first place.
Don’t lower your standards by accepting last-minute dates. Don’t be the girl who takes sloppy seconds. You will end up having to deal with guys who cancel, don’t show up or take you for granted.
Even if there is no one else, last-minute means you are not his dream girl–the first thing on his mind Monday morning and the one he is thinking about every day of the week.
Don’t be so desperate that you settle for crumbs. Don’t accept a date on just any night of the week.
Don’t accept anything less than Dream Girl status. He must ask you for Saturday by Wednesday.
What’s the big deal about Saturday night? It’s Date Night. Certain days have more romantic value than others.
Have you ever played Monopoly? If the days of the week were a board game, Saturday night is Boardwalk–prime real estate–the position of the highest value.
And that’s what you want: a man who treats you with the highest value, priority, and importance. Not someone who can take you or leave you.
Guys who ask you for last-minute dates are flakey and may disappear for no reason. You don’t need a ghost or a disappearing magic act. You want a man who is solid–someone you can rely on.
More importantly, you want a man who is crazy about you and treats you like no other. Not someone who just enjoys your company until he’s bored or finds his dream girl.
A man will only treat you at our own valuation. Value your time and he will, too.
You are not looking for just one night. You want someone who wants to be with you for the rest of your life.
That’s the significance of Saturday night dates. If he’s asking you by Wednesday for Saturday night, then chances are, you are in first place… To be his wife–his one and only.
If he’s not seeing you Saturday night, then who is he seeing? His mama?
This is will save you a lot of time and heartache from getting involved with men who are married or seeing someone else.
If you feel like this is too strict, impossible and need more instruction, I’m happy to help with creating a “strict but successful” dating strategy that will work for you.
When it came to my wishlist for Mr. Mc DreamBoat, I had one particular dealbreaker for me to consider a guy to be husband material. He needed to be able to build me a house from the ground up with his bare hands. Just like my Dad. Do you think that is unreasonable?
When I was 8 years old, my Dad built me a 2-story clubhouse in our backyard. He told me to draw it on paper and he will build it for me. So I went to school and used the computer paper with green and white stripes to draw my Mc DreamHouse.
Every girl needs a father to be the standard for which she will judge all other men.
Flash forward to my college years, I dated a guy who was 11 years older than me. I was 20 and he was 31. He was a pre-medical student who had his own construction company and did contract work building fireplaces, maintenance, and remodeling homes and offices. He could definitely build a house from the ground up with his bare hands.
After him, I dated guys who were well-to-do trust fund babies. Very handsome, clean, neat, well-spoken, well-mannered and well-dressed… But they couldn’t build a house. That will never do. I wanted a guy with a bit more manliness, ruggedness, and handy-ness. It was a real dealbreaker for me.
I did not want a soft man, a useless playboy or a Fed Bear who has been spoonfed and can do nothing for himself. I didn’t want a man child with no life skills.
I have a saying, “A Fed Bear is a dead bear.”
I wanted to marry a Conqueror type where there is nothing he cannot do… No problem he cannot solve… A guy who says, “For every problem, there is a solution.”
In my lifetime, I have been fortunate enough to know many men with this capability. One of them is my husband. Not only does he enjoy solving problems, but he also has a knack for coming up with ingenious and elegant solutions.
And yes, my husband can build anything with his bare hands–mechanical, plumbing, and electrical. When he was 5 years old, he took the VCR apart and completely dismantled it. All the parts and screws were laid out in a neat and orderly fashion so that he could remember how to put it back together. As a child, he was perfectly poised, self-directed and organized.
His parents never freaked out, never got mad, and never yelled at him for “breaking” the VCR. He didn’t break it. He was just a curious child who wanted to know how it worked, and the only way was to learn was to take it apart. After his curiosity was satisfied, he put the VCR back together and it still worked.
How many 5-year-olds do you know can do this? Most kids are kicking around in the sandbox at that age.
What is your Wishlist for Mr. Mc DreamBoat? What are your deal breakers?
Thanks to my Dad, I knew what was possible. He is the standard by which I judge all other men. I had a strategy for vetting Mr. Mc DreamBoat. I had unreasonably high standards. I never compromised. I was strict but successful, and ended up marrying the best husband ever.
Happy Father’s Day!
Kim Evazians The Strict But Successful Coach
For advice, please book an appointment by sending a Wufoo Form.
Since personal coaching is such a highly emotional, sensitive and delicate matter, and requires a lot of both financial, mental and emotional investment, I recommend taking the time to do your due diligence and research all the coaches who are available to you.
Find out about their personality, their communication style, their philosophy or way of life, their coaching methodology, and the quality of relationships they produce for their clients.
I say this partly because I am currently not available to take new clients who are not familiar with my philosophy. However, I do have audios available if you are interested in my work. They are a prerequisite for coaching with me.
Before booking a consult, you should know some things about me to see if we are well-suited to work together as a team. Yes, my success stories are pretty amazing but please understand that coaching is a long-term investment. Not something you do once or twice a year or every few years like a garage sale.
There are obligations a client must fulfill if they want to team up with a “power broker” to get amazing results. I work tirelessly and joyfully for my clients but I also expect them to carry their own weight. I am not a magic pill. I don’t believe in cutting corners and I don’t have magic fairy dust even though it feels like it sometimes.
I share this is because some people have an unrealistic expectation of me as the coach. They may think they can get piece-mealed advice by picking bits and pieces of tips they like from various different books, blogs or coaches who all have different philosophies. But then call me at the last minute as the last resort to fix a problem no one else can solve.
Coaching isn’t therapy.
I don’t work that way. I believe in doing things right the first time. For best results, I recommend calling me before you even start dating for a superior strategy. This will help you get ahead of the curve by having a clear game plan: knowing what’s powerful, what’s not powerful, what to expect and how to avoid future threats.
Coaching is intended to avoid broken rules, not fixing them.
When you start dating, call me during the Critical Window (the first 30 days) and the first 3 dates. This is when it matters most. A man will know within this time frame if this relationship has serious long-term potential. Past that point, you have written your future and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I believe in making a powerful first impression. It’s the only one you will ever get.
For efficiency’s sake, I have posted a snapshot of my personality profile, Tritype 835 “The Solution Master.” While visiting Japan, I met a Japanese Rules Coach (thanks to The Rules authors, Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider) who introduced the Enneagram to me. It’s a Christian-based archetype system. I suggest taking the test to find your Enneagram type for your own personal growth. It will not only help you with personal mastery but also help you learn to appreciate other types as well. Here’s me in a nutshell.
Description of Tritype 835 by Enneagram Coach Katherine LeFauvre:
“The 835 Tritype Archetype, ‘The Solution Master.’ This Tritype is a dynamic achiever and power broker… But is also often misunderstood.
From the outside, the 835 Tritype may seem like a brash, confident and success-driven achiever that does not suffer fools gladly. They can appear to be tough-minded individuals that can easily call a spade a spade but can also come across as stony and insensitive.
This is true in part because the 835s are street-wise and believe in the school of hard knocks. They believe that one learns the most by doing. And, they think that the best lessons in life are learned by having to do things the hard way.
The 835 is known for being strategically brilliant but also for being blunt and to the point. Their inner drive is to succeed and conqueror They do this by using their mind over matter approach to life and innate ability to quickly size up the competition or situation at hand. They begin by setting their sites on something that is of interest to them and then developing and ultimately executing the plans needed to acquire it. This is achieved through farsightedness, that includes step by step analysis and planning.
They are also known for being impersonal and unemotional. In truth, for the 835, everything is very personal. They see life as one giant chess game that they intend to win through mastery.
But that is only part of the story.
They succeed not because they do not have emotions but rather because they are not limited by emotions. The 835 can separate their emotions from any issue at hand, which can at times be confusing to some of the more tender-hearted Tritypes like the 269 and 379, 469 all of whom use their emotions to make decisions. In fact, they believe that emotions are what are confusing and limiting… And only serve to slow them down.
835s focus on the long game and have very little use for ignorance. They are demanding of themselves and others. They are natural entrepreneurs and generally achieve whatever they set out to do. They seek and can readily identify the competitive advantage in any area of life… Whether in business, sports or love. They will always have or will readily develop a strategy for success.
Their main focus in life is to achieve the realization of their ambitions. They do this by enduring and overcoming adversity. They never give up and do not back down or give in. Setbacks become fuel for future endeavors. Failures pave the way for greater successes.
They are no-nonsense people that value experience over titles or degrees. They are extremely hard workers that are hard-driving and self-motivated. They can be seen as work-a-holics but they truly love whatever they do or they would stop doing it. They are what they achieve.
An important part of the story is that the 835s are actually thinkers and doers rather than feelers. Underneath their logical solution mastery is a tender-hearted person that manages distress by doing something to fix a problem rather being trapped in what feels like illogical emotional chaos. The truth is that the 835 is uncomfortable with emotions; both their own emotions and the emotions of others. This is because they value data and information and fail to see the data and information that emotions provide.
835s have a defense strategy that survives by learning from their experiences so that they can succeed the next time they face the same problem. Emotionally charged experiences that result in feelings of shame and humiliation leave strongest impressions. As a result, these are the areas of life that the 835s wish to conqueror first. And these are the first lessons the 835s want to teach loved ones.
835s do not want anyone they care about to suffer or be disadvantaged because their loved one is mired in an emotional crisis or emotional paralysis. They vividly remember the times they felt debilitated because their own emotions got in the way of affirmation action. As a result, 835s prefer the power that comes from action and mental constructs even at the expense of their emotions. They are naturally more adept using their will center and mental center. They see their ability to go into action and use a mind over matter approach to life as much more reliable than the inconstancy of the heart. They prefer the world of logic and thoughts, and actions and willfulness over the world of feelings and emotions. So, instead of offering sympathy, they offer strategies.
They respect those that overcome obstacles. And, they admire those that develop the confidence that ensues as a result of overcoming adversity. They want their loved ones to learn how to provide for themselves so that they will have the confidence and know-how that comes from having to fail before you can succeed. So, they show love by teaching them how to provide for themselves and/or by providing resources for those in their circle of care rather than offering sentiment. But more specifically, they demonstrate love by teaching loved ones how to survive and make it on their own no matter what life throws at them.”
I give my clients strategy not sympathy.
Hope this helps you understand me better. My coaching isn’t for everyone but if you feel I am the right coach for you, then the next steps would be get these 2 audio lectures before booking and listen to them: Hold Your Mood and Mission CUAO. They are the foundation to building a new identity with me.
The summary of your life as it is now, all the important decisions you will ever make, and how people treat you rests on your identity.
What I do works because it is foundational and built of quality components for lasting success. Giving you a quick answer will never solve a long-term problem.
If your foundation is weak, flawed, or corrupt, applying plaster won’t help.
Kim Evazians The Strict But Successful Coach
Work with Kim: Advice by appointment. All questions must be submitted via Wufoo Form.
If truth be told, people don’t call me for The Rules. They call me for “How to Be a Modern Geisha.” This has been going on for years even though I don’t talk about it much publicly.
A Modern Geisha ranks among the “educated elite” and has a goddess-like quality that sets her apart from mere mortals. She has been beautifully groomed with ancient feminine wisdom to enrapture the heart of a “Conqueror” (aka The Alpha Male).
6 Fundamental Strategies of a Modern Geisha: 1) Seductive Power 2) Holding Your Mood 3) Fluid Thinking 4) Superior Strategy 5) Elegant Efficiency 6) Self-Mastery
Kim Evazians The Strict But Successful Coach
How to Work with Kim: Advice by appointment only. Please do not email unless if you are a client and I am requesting information for an upcoming consult. Due to the constant overload of emails, I am unable to answer any questions that are not booked and paid for through my website. To book a consult, please submit a Wufoo form. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.